Andrew Weale

hatched out of his shell on the 3rd of March 1964. He doesn’t know the exact time because he wasn’t wearing a watch. But he does know that he cried a lot. Well, who wouldn’t?

He started off life in a bungalow in Saltdean on the South Coast with his mum, dad and a beautiful labrador called Buster. Then he grew up a bit, learnt how to walk and suddenly he wasn’t a baby any more.

School and university


London, 05.07.1977by A.W.

Andrew Weale was not that type of kid that liked going to school. On the contrary: He wishes he could unlearn what he learned in school. After four schools and studying Latin and Geek in Oxford, he realized that the learned knowledge wasn’t of any use. Eventually he started to occupy his mind with the things he was actually interested in – like singing and dancing.

Passion of writing


London, 20.10.1992 by A.W

Since Andrew wasn’t interested in using any of the learned knowledge, he went on with his own theater company. He always wanted to be an actor and finally realized his inner passion. Although later a clairvoyante told him he was a writer – complete insane. Unexpectedly he started finding out to like writing more and more. And then started writing books for children.



London, 18.01.2005 by A.W.

The first thing Andrew wrote was the “The Oscar Song” and he surprised himself because it came out in perfect rhyme. He found more and more that he liked writing for children. His first chidren’s book was called “The Do Not Open This Book” which was rejected quite unfairly by every agent in Christendom. When he got back from Germany he enrolled on a children’s writing course at the City Lit in London, and within about two years he had his first contract with Hodder for One New In A Suit. He wrote some other books like “The Spooky Spooky House”, “A Quiet Day in the Jungle”, “Dinosaur Doo” and “Nora: The Girl Who Ate and Ate and Ate”.

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Do you prefer tea or coffee? How important is tea for you?
Tea is not important for me at any time of the day, coffee is by far my preferred beverage. This, I admit, is unusual for an Englishman. All Englishmen love tea, except for me. Perhaps that means I am not English. Maybe not even a man. And if not English and a man, who or what am I? Oh God, from a simple question about coffee or tea to an existential breakdown, an identity crisis of epic proportions. Ask me another question, but not about coffee or tea, and go easy on the hot chocolate and cocoa.
Can you tell us your favourite joke?
Three trees standing in a forest (as trees do) talking about their sex lives (as trees also do – a lot). The oak tree comes in first with, ‘Well, of course, I have sex three times a week’. Then the pine tree pipes up with, ‘Very impressive, dear fellow, but my tally is at least once a day, and sometimes several. What about you, little plane tree? Can you top that?’ The plane tree is silent for a moment, then says with a smile: ‘Far from it, pine tree, I have sex but once a year.’ ‘Once a year?’ Gasps the oak tree. ‘But that’s … tragic!’ ‘It certainly is,’ says the pine tree. ‘So, tell me, plane tree, if you only have sex once a year, why do you look so happy?’ The plane tree is silent again, then says with a big grin, ‘Because it’s tonight!’
What crazy or extraordinary things do you do in your day-to-day life?
Apart from not drinking tea and having frequent crises of identity, I lead a totally normal life. There is no room in my life for the crazy or extraordinary. I have a totally non-nine to five job. I have no idea of what an office looks like. I rarely wear a shirt or tie. I don’t commute, I don’t like buses or trains, I walk the streets of London as much as I can, camera in hand, pen at the ready. You see, an ordinary life. It’s what others call ordinary that I call extraordinary and just a little bit crazy.
How much do you like rainbows?
I don’t. I think they are totally overrated and SO ANNOYING. I prefer stars. You know where you are with stars. They are there in the same place every night and they are so reliable and on time that you can build astrology charts around them. But rainbows are the narcissists of the sky. They only pop up when THEY want to, and never in the same place. ‘Look at me! Look at me!’ they say. ‘Here I am! Pretty colours! Here I am!’ And by the time you’ve got your camera out, they’ve gone. Pests!
How funny do you find yourself?
was at school with a man called Eddy Izzard, who has become famous for making people laugh. He never made me or anyone else laugh at school as far as I can remember. But I made all my friends laugh at school. I believe that Eddy Izzard stole my identity (it wasn’t the tea), and my ability to make people laugh, and that actually I should be famous like Eddy and that he should be me, sitting here in East London, answering these questions.
How would you define a maniac?
People often say that maniacs are people who do the same thing again and again expecting a different result. I would define a maniac as someone who does a ton of totally different and unrelated things – like eating onion soup or driving a lorry through a windswept forest – and expects exactly the same result: like a dewdrop in the morning sunlight, or a pair of shoes. That’s a maniac. I like maniacs. And dewdrops. And shoes.
What’s your biggest culture shock?
When I went to Riyadh, the capital city of Saudi Arabia. All the men and women wear long robes, but I wore jeans and a coat and a woolly hat because I’d just got off the plane from London, and I felt very hot and they didn’t because they knew how to dress for their very hot climate and I didn’t and I felt very silly. That was a great culture shock. And when I went into the desert, I saw a vulture and that has nothing to do with culture but more to do with birds. Because that is what a vulture is. A big carnivorous BIRD.
Did you ever do drugs?
Ah. Thought you could catch me out, didn’t you? Slipping that question in casually at the end, hoping I wouldn’t notice. Ha! Well, I’m more awake than you think and there’s no way I’m going to give you a straight answer to that one. All I will say is that I once went to a night club in London and I was sitting in the chill out area with a friend and I turned to her and said, ‘Eubueubeuwbfuhwefuuwerpinkelephantjhebcueuurebrethereonthatwalllehurfbuhwbufbuerfucanyouseethatfaceucubcheubb vuherouveurbvueruhuruherfmanwithabignoseehbuqebfouqeufqeurfuohqerftheroomisclosinginjdchberuhfbqreubfuhqrfuI’mfreakingoutuehbfcuhruhreufurehfuhqreufbqerufuqerfGodIloveyoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo’ Or something like that.
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